I'm still here -- barely

I have struggled these past couple of months with a profound case of nervousness, insecurity and self-doubt, primarily brought about by my New Job, which is why I've been absent from your life for so long. I owe you an explanation, if you'll lend me an ear.

The New Job is nothing like I have done before. That's not to say I'm not familiar with the tasks associated with it: I now work for a newspaper software company, of which I am experienced in both sides. I worked in a newsroom of a Large Daily Paper for 15 years, and before that and during that time, I dabbled in scripting and programming, worked for an online news site and, on my own, learned some rudimentary HTML. On face value, I'm the perfect fit for the New Job.

What I was not prepared for were the intangible skills required: a flair for conversation, a flair for persuasion, the ability to think on your feet, the ability to get things done on the fly, talking loud and confidently, nonlinear thinking, presentation skills.

I think like a computer: Words, ideas, concepts are either true or false, black or white. Yes or no. There is no gray. Gray is inefficient. Perhaps that's why I was good at what I did at the Large Daily Paper. I turned raw data into beautiful, symmetrical columns; kerned headlines so that the space between each letter was perfectly balanced; lined up blocks of type down to the point. Not a hair out of place. To the bean-counters, I was called a designer. But honestly, I was good at it not because I had artistic skill but because I was precise, clean, timely, efficient. The copy desk of a newspaper is a white-collar assembly line, and I was a good fit at my station.

To say that the New Job has taken me out of that level of comfort would be the understatement of the century. I am now a business traveler, blindly feeling my way from airport to job site to job site to airport, hoping -- stressing -- that my next flight isn't delayed or canceled. But moreover, I'm meeting-and-greeting; gripping-and-grinning; pretending to lead a group of cynical, skeptical journalists through training sessions on software that's buggy on a good day; struggling to come up with polite words to explain why Adobe InDesign crashed for the nth time.

When I ask coworkers how something is done, there are 10 different answers and 20 different ways to do it, depending on who you ask and who the software customer is. As I said, my brain doesn't work that way. My brain thinks there's one answer to every question. It treats every situation as if it were a Trivial Pursuit card: Sports: Who was the only player in history to win four major NHL awards in one season? Bobby Orr. (Aside: If you're playing that game and you get a historical NHL question to which you don't know the answer, guess either Wayne Gretzky or Bobby Orr.) Anyway, as I said, I think linearly. I was successful in school because there was typically one answer to a question. You either got it right or you didn't. I might have taken the long way to get there, but eventually, there was only one right answer. As for essay tests, I can say with confidence that I had enough spelling and grammar and regurgitation skills to impress. I might have gotten the answer wrong, but I spewed enough well-written and well-crafted BS to earn a B.

So when I am faced with No Right Answer, or there are 10 different ways to do it depending, I am paralyzed. I cannot proceed. And I am not allowed time to analyze the myriad outcomes and deduce the best course of action. I am a deer in the headlights. And my confidence is shaken.

I hate asking for help to get from Point A to Point B. At the Large Daily Paper, I'd been there so long, I rarely had to ask for help. And I wouldn't anyway if I needed it. I'd just figure it out. At the New Job, I am forced to continually ask, "What does this do?", "Where should I save that?", "Where did that go?," "Why is that in the manual when it doesn't work the way it should?" (Answer: It does -- in the next wersion. Forehead, meet keyboard.) It is incredibly humbling and demoralizing.

I've always struggled with severe insecurity. The New Job has not helped that condition.

Here's what I'm not, never have been and always prayed to God I were: Talkative, eloquent, loud, confident, jovial, witty, thick-skinned, popular. And those are the skills I am reminded I don't possess every single day at the New Job.

I'm sure the insecurity and the "what I'm not" list are inextricably tied.

"They" say it's good to take yourself out of your comfort zone every now and then to develop new skills, to make yourself a better person. The They who said that either must have been in a cushy job they would never leave, or retired.

So now you understand when I say I wasn't prepared for the New Job. I don't possess the necessary intangible skills. My comfort zone hasn't just been taken away. It has been obliterated. For the second time in my life, I have been longing for professional help, either psychological or medicinal.

Current mood: Depressed

Why the cyclone in Myanmar was so deadly

It was Asia's Hurricane Katrina — though with a reported 100,000 killed, it was many times more deadly. Packing winds upward of 120 mph (193 kilometers an hour), Cyclone Nargis became one of Asia's deadliest storms by hitting land at one of the lowest points in Myanmar (also called Burma) and setting off a storm surge that reached 25 miles inland.

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Tetris theme played on glass bottles

Our obsession with Tetris is probably only matched by LEGO, Star Wars, and Futurama. However, this video of three synchronized bottle-blowers interpreting Korobeiniki — the famous Tetris theme song — shows that a) our fetishes are really not that bad, b) we are too lazy, c) we don't have as much free time as we would like to do silly things like these.

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Soldier sues Army, saying his atheism led to threats

Army Specialist Jeremy Hall said he did not advertise his atheism during his service, but his views became apparent during his second deployment to Iraq. An officer told him, and others, they would be punished for not being Christians like the founding fathers, nullifying religious freedom to believe or not believe.

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Geek fun

From RJ: Atari catalog, 1981

Female athletes resist Saudi restrictions

"We want to reach Olympic levels," said Shatha Bakhsh, 21, a law student. "We have a lot of potential, but not the chance to show it." Powerful religious clerics ban sports for girls in public schools, deeming it un-Islamic, and recently canceled two rare all-women's events, a soccer match and a marathon.

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Leaving beautiful Bithloville, Quebec

Somewhere in the armpit of Quebec

Snowmobiles parked out front of my Comfort Inn like motorcycles

Om nom nom nom...

Your dose of cute for the day.

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Q: Do condoms help stop HIV? McCain: "You've stumped me"

NYT blog: Mr. McCain: “You’ve stumped me...Brian, would you find out what my position is on contraception – I’m sure I’m opposed to government spending on it, I’m sure I support the president’s policies on it.”

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Goosebumps

Obama's speech on race (37-minute video, with interactive transcript via NYT)

I watched every minute of it. He's an incredible orator, and given his life history and family background, it's hard not to think as you watch him speak -- he apparently wrote much of the speech himself the night before -- that he means every word he says, that's he's not bullshitting you like you'd expect from a politician eyeing the White House.

I fear for this man's life.

LOL!

#6

Home free

Just wanted to let everyone know I got home safely this afternoon. My persistence to camp out all night at O'Hare and try to keep my place on the standby list to MCO eventually paid off, so I managed to get home before my confirmed flight Saturday night to Jacksonville.

Tears in my eyes, I was never was so happy to be in Florida humidity.

Hallelujah.

Edit: I just noticed that this post and the previous post were both posted on the same day (Friday). I never would have believed that until I saw it. It feels as though 3 days have passed since I posted the previous one from a sports lounge at the old, musty Hilton attached to ORD.

Nightmare

Waited 2 hours on standby at ORD for United's last flight out to MCO for the night

Earlier, nearly lost it at an attendant, who, to talk me off the ledge, put me at the top of the standby list

But I didn't get called

Defeated, went to United "customer service" desk, where I spent the next 2 hours

Saw two pissed-off men at the front of the line almost come to blows -- they literally were nose-to-nose, F-word flying, until someone else came between them

Finally got to speak to an attendant

I apparently had become overtly agigated (became "That Guy" in line, the stereotypical short-fused person in a long line who causes an uncomfortable scene) because a second, snootier attendant asked what was going on and intervened

Yelled at him, periodically cutting him off mid-sentence when he tried to use his "blame the passenger" attitude on me

Almost came to tears when I was told there are NO flights on ANY airline to ANY airport in Florida until Saturday night, or I could wait until Sunday. Even asked about first and business classes and was willing to pay; was told there was nothing to offer even for purchase

Booked me on flight to JAX for Saturday night

Supposed to be home Thursday night

Will spend the night on a bench at ORD, holding out slim hope I can fly standby first thing Friday

This will definitely hold some weight when I finally decide whether I actually can do this new job.

Vancouver, Washington

A Crude Case for War?

"We may not know the real motivations behind the Iraq war for years, but it remains difficult to distill oil from all the possibilities. That's because our society and economy have been nursed on cheap oil, and the idea that oil security is a right as well as a necessity has become part of our foreign policy DNA, handed down from Franklin D. Roosevelt to Jimmy Carter to George H.W. Bush. And the war and its untidy aftermath have, in fact, swelled the coffers of the world's biggest oil companies.

But it hasn't happened in the way anyone might have imagined."

Inside Beijing's shocking death camp for cats

Thousands of pet cats in Beijing are being abandoned by their owners and sent to die in secretive government pounds as China mounts an aggressive drive to clean up the capital in preparation for the Olympic Games.

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Brrr. Beautiful morning.

Timeline of Bush admin's politicization of terror, 2002-2008

Keith Olbermann presents an impressively detailed timeline called "The Nexus of Politics and Terror," chronicling the Bush admin's exploitation of terror threats for political gain. "What we were told about terror, and not told, for security reasons, has overlapped considerably with what we were told about terror, and not told, for political reasons."

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'After reading this I don't think that I've ever felt so ashamed of being male'

The men who sleep with prostitutes

We learn more about this administration from foreign media than our own (another in a series)

The Dallas Morning News published an adapted version of a longer article by former CIA officer Philip Giraldi commenting on Sibel Edmonds' case and the failure of the U.S. mainstream media to cover the news that FBI whistleblower Sibel Edmonds, "the most gagged person in US history" according to the ACLU, is now risking prison to share her story.

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World Nature Photography Awards

Gorgeous.

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Countdown Special Comment on FISA

President Bush is a liar.

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Bush admin shuts down Web site tracking U.S. economic data

Forbes has awarded EconomicIndicators.gov one of its “Best of the Web” awards for compiling data across govt agencies and making it publicly accessible. But as of March 1, the Bush admin has announced that it is shutting down this site due to "budgetary constraints."

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Putting the president above the law

Despite the head of the CIA conceding waterboarding is probably illegal, Cheney made it clear Bush would reauthorize waterboarding whenever he wanted.

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Only in Japan

Dr. Slump Handy Soft Poop for Good Luck. Poop is considered quite lucky in Japan, because the word for it, unchi, sound similar to the word for good luck, unki. Here's a pair of really cute pink colored "poop" toys from that classic bellwether of good taste, the Dr. Slump anime.

Current mood: Productive

"We have brought to Iraq the worst of America"

In a confidential memo, a long-time Republican, Manuel Miranda, who has served in the U.S. Embassy in Baghdad for the past year, says the State Department's efforts in Iraq are so poorly managed they "would be considered willfully negligent if not criminal" if done in the private sector.

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Rockford, Ill.

Small-town Illinois

It's hard to tell in this picture, but the snow is coming down diagonally.

Add Banff to the list of places to visit before I die

Peyto Lake (pea-toe) is a glacier-fed lake located in Banff National Park in the Canadian Rockies. During the summer, significant amounts of glacial rock flour flow into the lake, and these suspended rock particles give the lake a bright, turquoise color.

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Expendability

Guess who's not coming back.

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Ridiculous snowstorm at O'Hare

Conveyor-belt sushi

Tampa

The weather outside is frightful

Current location:


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It's cold and dreary outside, but I'm loving it. I saw snow -- well, more like dingy slush -- for the first time in years last night. I stomped my feet in it like a 4-year-old.

I can't remember the last time I've been in single-digit temperatures.

Growing up Asian-American

This is by a Chinese-American from California, but it pretty much sums up much of my social relationships in elementary school and perhaps gives you insight into how I can grow up in an (half) Asian household and yet not be able to speak Japanese.

Current mood: Pensive

Laugh

Wild effect in Tokyo Bay to market 'Water Horse' movie

In Tokyo, they used water fountains and lasers to project the huge monster from the new movie "The Water Horse."

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F*cking creepily narrated video of hornets attacking beehive

Best Print Ads of 2007

Collection of top print ads of 2007 from around the world

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Top 5 things I saw in America which, freaked me out

Top 5 things I saw in America which, as a Canadian, freaked me right out

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Top military blogger dies in Iraq; his final post

Andrew Olmsted, who also posted here as G'Kar, was killed yesterday in Iraq. Andy gave me a post to publish in the event of his death; the last revisions to it were made in July.

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The Great Underperforming Movies of 2007

With critics and sofa kings churning out their lists for best and worst films of 2007 like Jonah Hill drawing dicks, let’s take a look at the movies that failed to reach general expectations, whether at the box office, creatively, or both.

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On the air

I've entered the 21st century by creating a YouTube channel. My new camera shoots .AVIs with sound, so I figured I should take advantage. The channel is set to private (at least I hope). So if you didn't receive an invite and would like one, e-mail me and I'll invite you.

Current mood: Productive

Amazing laser-etched laptops

People are still laser-etching all kinds of things into their laptop lids, from the Mona Lisa to Barry Manilow to My Pretty Pony. Beautiful.

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Catching up

It's been awhile since I last posted something other than links to stories I Digg. But I do have an excuse this time: I'll be starting a new job the middle of next month. It's an opportunity that's been sort of bubbling slowly in the pot for a while now, but it finally came together about a week ago. Merry Christmas to me!

I'll save the specifics for more private chat. But basically, I'm putting my massage-business aspirations on hold for a bit to step back into my old line of work. It's somewhat of an editorial support role that will have me traveling a lot, and sometimes on short notice. I'll be sure to have my camera with me for every trip. :D

My last day at rehab office is Jan. 9, and my last day at the Old Office is Jan. 5 -- a place whose building, aside from vacations, I've walked into every week since my senior year in college in late 1992-early 1993. It's the only "real" job I've ever had. And I've been very fortunate that I wound up doing for a living what I studied in college. I just don't know whether it's sunk in yet that the cord has actually been cut.

But that's not to say there's any regret -- I'm truly excited about the new opportunity and eager to get started at the new place. It's just hard to fathom that I won't be carrying the Old Office's cardkey around on my person any more, a cardkey I've somehow never lost and still has a picture of me from 1993 on it.

Current mood: Nostalgic
Current music: Koko / Goldfrapp

Sad milestone: AOL to discontinue Netscape browser development

Please observe a moment of silence for the Netscape browser. Netscape Navigator, the browser that launched the commercial Internet in October 1994, will die on February 1, 2008. AOL, which acquired Netscape in November 1998 for $4.2 billion, will announce today they will discontinue development of the browser, currently on version 9.

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Tape fingers Bush as a war criminal

"...this case is more ominous for the administration because it presents a core example of what seems to be a cover-up, obstruction of justice and a direct connection between torture and the president, the vice-president and their closest aides."

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Cheney accused of blocking Californian bid to cut car fumes

The US vice-president, Dick Cheney, was behind a controversial decision to block California's attempt to impose tough emission limits on car manufacturers, according to insiders at the government Environmental Protection Agency.

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DHS f*cking up Wikipedia

"This host, n021.dhs.gov, is registered to the United States Department of Homeland Security, and may be shared by multiple users."...."Please stop adding nonsense to Wikipedia. It is considered vandalism."

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Futurama: How Zoidberg got his name from a game

Apple II geeks, listen up. Did you know that Futurama creator David X. Cohen named a character after an Apple II video game that he created? Or that he wants your help to get the game, called Zoid, up and running again?

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Cute

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/116/287694207_02ecbbe8d4.jpg?v=0

Current mood: Sleepy

16 secrets the restaurant industry doesn't want you to know

We scrambled behind the counters, dug under the drive-throughs, and plunged into the deep fryers to find out what's really going into our meals.

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Fox analyst: Americans shouldn't be above torture

Americans aren't above resorting to torture to gain intelligence from suspected terrorists -- and it would be a mistake if they were, according to Fox News military analyst Col. David Hunt.

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Signs of life

Hallelujah. I'm on the air.

For now.

I'm in Louisiana, where life, for a city-slicker like me, seems to move in slow motion. Aside from activity at the nearby university, people don't seem to do much here aside from eat lots of greasy, deep-fried food, talk to and about kinfolk, watch the Weather Channel and turn in at the late hour of 10 p.m.

But as it turns out, the in-laws have wireless Internet this year. OK, that's not entirely true. More accurately, a neighbor who must not have password-protected his wireless network must have it, because I'm online here. Intermittently, anyway. I can see several networks in my connection settings, some of which are password-protected. But every few minutes or so, one pops up in the list to which I can connect.

There is a God. But why does he like to tease?

Current mood: Grateful

Detailed list (with pictures) of Easter eggs in Pixar movies

Here is an awesome list of where the in-jokes and self references in Pixar's feature films and shorts are located.

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The 70 best ideas of 2007, according to The New York Times

For better or worse, these are 70 of the ideas that helped make 2007 what it was.

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Customers who bought "Fresh, Whole Rabbit" also bought...

What the HELL do they have planned for that rabbit?!!

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C.I.A. admits destroying tapes of interrogations

The Central Intelligence Agency in 2005 destroyed at least two videotapes documenting the interrogation of two Al Qaeda operatives in the agency’s custody, a step it took in the midst of Congressional and legal scrutiny about the C.I.A’s secret detention program, according to current and former government officials.

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Olbermann: ‘Mr. Bush you are a bald-faced liar!’

COUNTDOWN’s Keith Olbermann delivers perhaps his most powerful ‘Special Comment’ to date, on Iranian intelligence and what Bush knew and when he knew it.

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Flux capacitor for sale

Seems like every year since 1985 a modified Delorean with Flux Capacitor shows up for sale. This time, it's just the 1.21 jigawatt-powered heart of the Back to the Future time machine. The perfect accessory for your 2008 Delorean. Get your $220 pre-order in now (or $275 after January 1st) for an April 30th, 2008 fluxing -- the apparent past.

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RIP, CompUSA: 1984-2008

Days after we first reported that CompUSA could be shutting down for good very, very soon, the WSJ is reporting that the beleaguered big box retailer has been sold to Gordon Brothers Group for liquidation, which will occur shortly after the holidays.

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Teen calls Bush’s secret phone; creates security scare

An Icelandic teen somehow figured out President Bush’s private phone number, and called it recently, leaving a message saying he was the president of Iceland and wanted him to call him back. Teen won't say how he did it.

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Consumers afraid of identity theft are using a credit freeze

As of November 1st, 2007 all consumers in the US can now freeze their credit reports, protecting them from identity theft. Credit bureau's spent $1.4 million last year lobbying against credit freeze laws. As more states adopted the practice, the bureaus finally gave in. With 10 million identity theft victims a year this could turn the tides.

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Huckabee suggested AIDS patients be isolated

According to this Yahoo news article "Tax Hike Mike" once suggested that AIDS patients be isolated. Here is a quote: "If the federal government is truly serious about doing something with the AIDS virus, we need to take steps that would isolate the carriers of this plague." Does that sound like an idea a freedom loving person would propose?

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Gut-check

Reason No. 2,369 to get down on the holidays: Too much free food.

I have been exposed daily to free cake, cookies, sweets, chocolates, doughnuts, pie and mounds and mounds of starches and carbs. It's too much of a good thing.

I went to the first of three Christmas parties last night. It was an opulent affair, hosted by a manager at the orthopedic/rehab office at which I work. There was a chocolate-fondue fountain, catering, 3-foot sheet cake, open bar and live music. And wouldn't you know it -- I loaded my small plate several times full of pasta, eggplant parm, cheese and crackers and spinach dip and had a huge slice of cake.

Two more parties to go.

Sure, it's easy to say, "Well no one's making you eat all that." But with me, nothing's ever that simple. I work out like I do in part because I have no willpower whatsoever. I am a sad glutton. If you watched me eat, you'd swear I hadn't eaten in a week.

I'm feeling fatter than ever. It's so unfair how it can take months to get into shape but only a handful of days to erase all that hard work. It's going to take me two months to undo what I've eaten these past two weeks. And I still have to get through my birthday and Christmas.

That said, I love the holidays in general, and I love getting together with people I care about. It's just terribly, terribly rough seas for those who are trying to watch their weight. I'm really struggling.

Current mood: Depressed

Good news, everyone!

Futurama is back!

Current mood: Tired

New, updated wish list

I've posted a few things here.

I typically am put off by people who publicize what they want. But I don't want that to be how this comes across. At my age, material possessions matter less and less, and I don't want anyone to feel obligated to give me a gift. A simple e-mail updating me on your life or night out with you would warm my heart just as much or more. My intention with the list is only to help make shopping (eww) as quick and painless as possible -- if that's something you feel you want to do. I often find that when Christmas rolls around, friends and family just come straight out and ask, "What do you want?", "What would you like?" or "What do you need?" I just wanted to put pen to paper, figuratively speaking of course, and brainstorm some ideas (inspired because someone recently asked me point-blank, "Be thinking about what you want"). So as the local cable company would say, "We're trying to make things a little easier."

Current mood: Productive
Current music: Fortress Around Your Heart (video) / Sting

Sign of the times, another in a series

"These early 'Sesame Street' episodes are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today's preschool child."

Current mood: Sad

Captivating reading

Airline disasters

Current mood: Sleepy

Bizarre animal news roundup

Thieving monkeys 'were even slapping women who try to chase them'

'I can quite confidently say it's probably not an orangutan'

Current mood: Full

Sugar high

Finally finished off the last of the leftover Halloween Kit Kats, Twixes and Reese's Cups. Yum. If I learned anything, it's that I really need to equip a trinket that will increase my resistance to milk chocolate.

Current mood: Satisfied

Hooch 2007

From Hooch 2007

The Head of the Chattahoochee is my rowing club's biggest event of the year. I just got back from Chattanooga last weekend. My boat typically does well, but this year was an off-year for us. I'll call it a "rebuilding year." The novice group -- rowing nomenclature for those who have less than a year's experience, in which they also can compete in a separate category so they don't have to race against people who have rowed for years -- made a terrific showing, however. There's hope for us yet. They're extremely fit and were working out upwards of six days a week leading up to the regatta. With the way they're going, I won't be surprised if they become the "A" boat and mine the "B."

Anyway, the weather up there was crisp and chilly -- just the way I like it. Which begs the question: Why the heck have I been in Florida for so long?

Current mood: Groggy
Current music: Reunion (video) / Erasure

Laugh

Horny pooch (safe for work)

Current mood: Silly

5 useless facts about me

Time for another list.

• Despite being somewhat of a technophile, I don't have a DVR, have yet to own one and have little interest in using one.
• I think marshmallows, Peeps and any food of that sort that's plastic and gooey are vile.
• I don't like feet, do not like to get my feet dirty and consequently don't like walking barefoot on grass or anything other than the tile floor of my home. I'll go ahead and throw my Japanese mom under the bus for this one.
• I'm not fond of and not good at swimming.
• For a short while, I collected X-Men comics. I still have them in a closet somewhere.

Current mood: Sleepy
Current music: Bliss / Syntax

Overnetworked

To those who have sent me multiple invites to Facebook, Pownce and other networking sites during the past few weeks: Please don't take it personally that I haven't accepted your invitation. But between trying to keep a semblance of a life outside of the online world, updating this blog and keeping up with you on your sites, I just don't have any more room in my day for another Web site to have to maintain.

I managed to resist not having a MySpace page for years. When I finally broke down and created one a few months ago, it was only to keep up with my sister, who, to her credit, had set her page to private. So did I. Even then, not days after that, I already had gotten spammed by total strangers requesting to be my friend, which was the reason I had resisted for so long. So anyway, I am not interested in creating another social-networking site page, but please don't think it's personal. This page (and MySpace) is all I can do.

Current mood: Productive
Current music: Starry-Eyed Surprise / Paul Oakenfold

A toast to the queen

From Oktoberfest

Happy birthday to my best girlfriend, who just turned for... Well, let's just say if you're as old as you feel, she'd be about 18. :D

Since my seeeeekly leeeetle birthday girl can't have beer, we made do with a lovely bottle of champagne before heading out to a local Oktoberfest street party. We typically have fun at these cheesy, monthly, themed events, but this one was overrun by rednecks and felt less like a whitebread facsimile of a biergarten and more like the Volusia County Fair.

So we bolted to the nearest Mexican restaurant -- somehow, chips and salsa always end up playing into our evening -- and caught up on each other's lives.

Happy birthday, P!

Current mood: Awake
Current music: The Ubiquitous Mr. Lovegrove / Dead Can Dance

Behind the scenes...

... at Adult Swim's Robot Chicken

Current mood: Awake

Good read...

... about the Jena 6 case.

Current mood: Nervous
Current music: GDMFSOB / UNKLE

Tree-hugger spreading the word

Consider supporting the Local Guy -- and good health -- by having fresh organic produce delivered to your door weekly or biweekly. And while I'm at it, here's an environmentally-conscious and cheaper alternative to auto lobby AAA. I've been a member for two years, and the mail-in gas coupons they give you almost pay for the cost of membership.

Current mood: Wired

9/11's legacy

Much of the best analysis of the Iraq War doesn't even originate from our own U.S. media.

Current mood: Lethargic

Take that, productivity

I am addicted to Wikipedia. It's a nerd's dream. I can't count the number of hours I will never get back while reading about thylacines, Apple Records, Laika (sniff), the Battle of Thermopylae or Yukio Mishima, just to name a few.

It's almost as much of a time-killer as WoW, but at least I'm learning something.

Current mood: Anxious
Current music: All in My Mind / Love and Rockets

Made in China

Could the now-weekly Chinese toy recalls be getting out of hand? I'm beginning to think they're being instituted not out of a concern for children but more out of a fear of litigation.

When you and I grew up, we played with roughly those same toys, and we seemed to have grown up relatively sane and healthy. (OK, you can stop laughing now.) Our parents also came out fine, for the most part, and I'd have to guess the lead levels they were exposed to were higher than they are now. And they presumably had to deal with arsenic at their playgrounds. And the lead paint that lined their homes. And so forth and so forth.

I'm not trying to dismiss a matter of safety. Obviously, I do think there should be watchdogs over the manufacture of anything a child would handle. But something tells me these recalls aren't out of a genuine concern for kids' safety but more of a fear of lawsuits. A sign of the times, I guess.

Current mood: Reflective
Current music: Searchin' / Cabaret Voltaire

Steer clear of the salvo

OK, I have just stirred the pot, which goes against every fiber of my being.

A few months back, the disparate groups of women at my rowing club voted to merge together into one big group (that's a gross oversimplification of a very drama-filled story, but it will suffice for this explanation) under one coach. The rationale was that it would better develop new, novice rowers and make them feel as though we were one, big, happy family. Previously, each crew, or boat, managed itself, and the crews didn't much mix.

But one of the women's crews at my rowing club, which I will call Boat A, owns its own boat (i.e., does not have to share equipment with the rest of the club). When it came time to merge, Boat A decided not to participate in it, keeping themselves off to the side -- but keeping their membership current in case they need substitute rowers or to borrow equipment for some reason -- while the rest of us feel our way around in the Brave New World.

In a nutshell, that is the history of their club membership and participation in group activities, a microcosm of how they always have dealt with the rest of the club.

I will be the first to point out that it greatly has worked to their advantage: They almost always row with the same lineup of women, never having to deal with rotating lineups or widely varying skill levels; they aren't bothered by rowers who no-show to practice; and they never have to worry about not having a boat available to take out, since they own their own. As a result, they are the fastest, most efficient women's crew in the club. They even recently won a national championship in a masters rowing division.

However, over the years, they have continually been confronted with criticism that they are elitist and not team players, refusing to incubate new members by allowing them into their lineup until they deem them fit or worthy enough. They have instead preferred to hand-pick their members. But how can the club grow when new, novice members aren't made to feel like they fit in?

(Long aside: In a past posting, I have compared them vs. my crew, "Boat B," with the pros and cons of a dictatorship vs. a pure democracy. Our operations are polar opposites. They run their ship with perfectionism and strict efficiency, and there is accountability for slip-ups [they have been known to kick rowers out of their boat for repeated tardiness]. A couple of their rowers make all of the decisions, settle all differences and take care of all problems, and the rest just nod, show up and row, with no baggage or responsibility -- which is how they like it. Among themselves, they rarely have differences to settle. My boat, on the other hand, historically has been bogged down by tardiness, second-guessing and clouds of indecision, because each individual rower has an equal say -- sometimes a long one at that. But we like to operate under the assumptions that [1] we're all adults and can hold ourselves accountable [often that's true, sometimes we frustratingly manage to disprove that] and that [2] everyone's opinion does matter -- but that's how we like it.)

I must point out here that Boat A always has been very defensive about their positions, and they have two to three very opinionated, type-A personalities who tend to dominate most meetings (the aforementioned women who make all of the decisions). Thus, they are very aggressive in their interpersonal dealings and tend to get what they want, because many of the rest of us are not as confrontational and most of the time just don't want to get into it with them. (There are stories here regarding this, one involving me, in a very, very rare instance of losing my composure, having a freakout directed straight to them, but that's for another day.)

There have been a few instances this year when Boat A has asked to borrow either equipment or rowers from the rest of the women's program. But I and several other, more vocal, club members have fought to keep Boat A separate from the women's crews that merged. My feeling is that they made their bed, now they must lie in it. I may be the one not being a team player here, but I firmly think it's not fair they sit out on the merge yet want to play in our sandbox at their convenience.

Today, Boat A asked that the boat they row/own be included in an online database of club boats. The club's online database also functions as a calendar for reserving boats, oars, launches and rowing machines for use. Boat A's argument is that it will allow other crews to know when they're practicing and when they're out on the water.

I replied to the e-mail request, sent to Boat A and much of the club's management, by saying I didn't think Boat A's boat should be included in the online database. I said the database is for reserving club equipment, and their boat is privately-owned and thus not available to reserve by club members. There is a log book in the boathouse in which crews are supposed to document "time in" and "time out," for safety purposes, so that others know who is out on the water when. I said that should suffice for Boat A's concern about letting others know when they're on the water.

Speaking of the logbook, I've also taken to calling our boat "ORC [Orlando Rowing Club] A" when logging us in and out each time we row. As Boat B's captain, I'm the person who is responsible for this duty, and for years, I'd been logging us as "ORC B." But with Boat A's decision not to participate in the merge -- which is what the club's women's program voted to do -- I no longer feel as though they're part of the "official" program but more of a separate club that happens to share our boathouse.

I haven't gotten a response yet from anyone in their boat about the e-mail. It's been unusually quiet. They are typically one of the first to shoot back a retort.

As most people are, it's easier for me to be confrontational when I'm hiding behind a keyboard. But I still believe I said the right thing. Ask me again in another day or so.

Current mood: Hungry

The Great Iraq Swindle

My blood boils over what my own government has wrought. This insanity must end. Whatever happened to integrity, honesty, patriotism (not to be confused with jingoism) and concern for your fellow countrymen? Are those basic values no longer based in reality, just a pollyanna pipe dream? I'd always counted myself blessed to have been born in this country. This administration has, for the first time, made me question that belief.

Bechtel was given $50 million to build the [Basra children's] hospital -- but a year later, with the price tag soaring to $169 million, the company was pulled off the project without a single bed being ready for use. The government was unfazed: Bechtel, explained USAID spokesman David Snider, was "under a 'term contract,' which means their job is over when their money ends."

Their job is over when their money ends. When I call Snider to clarify this amazing statement, he declines to discuss the matter further. But if you look over the history of the Iraqi reconstruction ­effort, you will find versions of this excuse every­where. When [contractor] Custer Battles was caught delivering broken trucks to the Army, a military official says the company told him, "We were only told we had to deliver the trucks. The contract doesn't say they had to work."

Such excuses speak to a monstrous vacuum of patriotism; it would be hard to imagine contractors being so blithely disinterested in results during World War II, where every wasted dollar might mean another American boy dead from gangrene in the Ardennes. But the rampant waste of money and resources also suggests a widespread contempt for the ostensible "purpose" of our presence in Iraq. Asked to cast a vote for the war effort, contractors responded by swiping everything they could get their hands on -- and the administration's acquiescence in their thievery suggests that it, too, saw making a buck as the true mission of the war. Two witnesses scheduled to testify before Congress against Custer Battles ultimately declined not only because they had received death threats but because they, too, were contractors and feared that they would be shut out of future government deals. To repeat: Witnesses were afraid to testify in an effort to ­recover government funds because they feared reprisal from the government.

Read the full story here.

Current mood: Helpless

Argh

The dirt-cheap plane ticket to Chattanooga I was going to book when I got into work this afternoon -- $49 one way -- doubled in price as I slept this morning!

Current mood: Annoyed
Current music: Troubled Mind / Everything But the Girl

Jean-Luc, 1994-2007

From Critters

I am in grief. My boy passed away this morning. But I take solace in the fact that he wasn't expected to survive much into 2007, yet he blessed me for this long. He was a fighter. Thank you, Jean-Luc, for your companionship and love. He was as good as they come.

Current mood: Sad

Jean-Luc update

He improved a little a couple of days ago after I started giving him fluids every day instead of every other. But he has started to go downhill again. After cruising online for more information on his condition, I found this. Monday morning can't get here quick enough.

Why do these medical emergencies always arise during a weekend -- Saturday, even?

Current mood: Worried

Fun with the Labelmaker2600

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2588093

Robot Chicken is brilliant

Thank you for the laugh, Uptown5:



Current mood: Silly

THIS RULES ALL

Created by my buddy D. via Labelmaker2600.com (can you figure out the significance of the "CX" model number?):



Current mood: Amused
Current music: Atom Dream / William Orbit

Jean-Luc

He's my first, oldest cat. I got him in early 1994. I'd graduated college in fall of 1993 and left my parents' nest for the first time, moving into an apartment on the east side of town. One of my best friends in high school was moving back here from Texas, so we decided to become roommates. (As you might imagine, that turned out to be a mistake and the nail in the coffin for our friendship, but that's another story.) Anyway, soon after we moved in together, one of her sister's two cats had four kittens, and they needed homes. My boyfriend at the time adopted one, his mom took another, the sister kept one and I adopted the fourth and named him Jean-Luc after oh captain my captain, Jean-Luc Picard.

He was such a tiny, frightened thing when I brought him home, barely weaned from his mom. He hid under a dresser in my bedroom for almost two days. I would kneel down on all fours and try to coax him to come out, but all I could see in the darkness were two gigantic, shiny eyes looking back at me. Soon, he worked up the courage to venture out from underneath the dresser and scurry under some chairs. And within a day, he was scampering around the bedroom, chasing anything that moved and using his claws and scrawny arms to pull himself like Spider-Man up the side of my comforter onto the bed from the floor.

When the roommate and I parted ways about a year later, I moved into a very cheap, one-bedroom apartment downtown that unfortunately didn't allow pets. My BF at the time was gracious enough to take Jean-Luc, reuniting him with his sibling. As it turned out, I ended up taking in another old, sickly, partially lame charity case that hung out in the parking lot of my apartment building anyway. I somehow managed to hide my growing menagerie -- the sickly cat, a bird and a rabbit -- from the landlord.

The BF kept Jean-Luc and took great care of him for many, many years, and he has lived a long and happy life, growing up with his sister and two dogs.

A year ago, Jean-Luc became very, very ill. A vet diagnosed him with chronic renal failure, which I have dealt with in subsequent cats I've owned. CRF is just a fancy term for kidney failure of unknown cause, and there's no cure short of a kidney transplant, which, unlike humans, is rarely an option for a pet. (A quick Google search reveals that the University of Florida performs them at a teaching vet hospital, but they are not accepting any more patients. Grr.) There is a treatment that will slow the progression and give the animal more time, but it's not a cure.

The now former BF-turned-good-friend spent hundreds and hundreds at the vet and could no longer afford the bills, so I agreed to take Jean-Luc back. He's been with me since, and about every other day, I poke Jean-Luc with a needle and inject him with IV fluids. The supplies had been a not-so-insignificant expense until I found an online resource for ordering the supplies that is a fraction of the cost the vet had been charging me. (Frustratingly, you need a prescription here in the States to buy the IV fluids and needles, for which I had to ask my reluctant vet, but all of the supplies are freely purchasable -- and cheaper -- over-the-counter in Canada. Way to go, Big Pharma.)

Jean-Luc has lived far longer than his initial prognosis indicated. I've repeatedly said I want to keep him with me as long as he isn't aware of his illness but not to let him suffer when he goes into decline. He has been a doll with the injections, sometimes purring through them because he craves the attention. He is a wonderful, loving cat.

He had been pretty much asymptomatic until a few days ago. Today, looks terrible. I don't know how long I can let him feel this way. I know Jean-Luc's string of good luck will come to an end soon.

I am dreading The Day. The Day you know must happen at some point. The Day you push into the back of your mind when you bring home a pet. The Day you try not to dwell on, but as the pet gets older, haunts you more and more frequently. The Day you take your little buddy to the vet and return alone. My stomach is in knots. But I am so grateful and happy for the last 11 months of joy and companionship he's given me. Each day has been a gift.

Current mood: Sad

Welcome to 2007, one in a series

Taken with my spiffy new low-end MacBook, which has a built-in camera (and mic) above the screen!

Early review: I'm used to the sturdy, strong feel of my good ol' trusty 12-inch titanium PowerBook, which is deceptively hefty. So, I have to say that the white, plastic keys of the MacBook feel a little flimsy. They feel and sound like Scrabble tiles under my fingers as I type. That said, this MacBook's screen seems much larger than the meager 1-inch upgrade from the PowerBook; maybe it's the wider, cinema-style display. It's also more vibrant and smoother-looking. Obviously, the MacBook is lighter and much faster than the PowerBook, and I've run multiple large programs at once with no problems.

Now, the long process of setting preferences and moving stuff over from the old computers begins.

I'd like to find a good home for my old bubble iMac. There's nothing wrong with it and runs great. I'd just hate to see a perfectly good Mac go unused, sitting in a corner on the floor collecting dust, and I'd love for someone else to get as much benefit and enjoyment from it as I did. So if you know of anyone who might be interested in purchasing a used but in-perfect-working-order flat-panel Mac, let me know.

Current mood: Giddy

Look, up in the sky...

Double dose of astronomy goodness: A meteor shower and lunar eclipse in one month. According to the time chart, I'll be arriving at Lake Fairview to row right when the lunar eclipse begins. Should be a stunningly gorgeous morning. Pray for clear skies.

Current mood: Hot

To catch a reporter

Undercover Dateline NBC mole flees after being publicly outed at hacker convention (all kinds of video available at YouTube)

Current music: Extreme Ways / Moby (sorry, just saw The Bourne Ultimatum)
Current mood: Hungry

Thought bubbles

Recently, I've had no less than two people express their anger to me over the approval of the city's new downtown arena/performing-arts deal.

I just don't see it. I just can't figure out how it could be a bad thing.

Yes, I will fully accept that the price tag -- more than one beeeellion dollars -- is jaw-dropping. And wouldn't that kind of money be better spent bolstering law enforcement, fixing roads and feeding the homeless (oh wait -- in this city, we arrest people who try to do that)?

However, the flip side is that, as the saying goes, you have to spend money to make money. And, obviously, this is a long-term investment for the city. A bigger, fancy arena will attract bigger, better tours. Complain that decent musical acts always go to Tampa, Miami and Jacksonville but never come here? Well, that will never change if we stick with what we have now: a mediocre arena and a Bob Carr so old, it has barely changed since I moved here in the early 1980s.

By the way, all three of those cities have major sports teams. I'm not a sports fan. I want to be up front with that. But if our city ever wants to rise above its cowtown-pretending-to-be-a-city reputation, it has to invest in its major-sports team, whether it be good or bad. Having a major-sport team raises a city's profile on the national stage, thereby attracting business (read: money), providing free advertising for the city and creating jobs (that may or may not be low-wage, but that's the nature of a tourist town).

Had we caved to the tourism-industry moguls who demanded the new arena be built on I-Drive, that would have furthered the city's image of perpetually living in the shadow of Daddy Disney. During the county-commission meeting in which the plan was approved, the Orange County Convention Center's biggest client threatened the commission with a vow to take his business elsewhere unless the new arena were built on I-Drive.

That threat rankles me, and I'm glad our city finally had the guts to stand up to the demands of the tourism industry for once. The city just spent a billion dollars renovating and adding to the convention center. How much more do they want?

Half the cost of the arena/performing-arts plan will be funded by taxing tourists more. Believe me, they don't need the arena or the money. With the pound worth twice as much as the dollar and the euro worth about 40 cents more, I'm sure European tourists will still consider coming here a steal compared with 'holidaying' in Europe.

The biggest plus I see in all this: another reason to bring light rail back to the table. Remember the debate that raged several years ago between the city, county and tourist industry over whether to invest in light rail and where the stops would be? Yeah, special interests managed to kill that one on the vine. Decent public transportation for the city's residents down the tubes. But with a new arena and performing-arts center, you could argue that the influx of pedestrian and car traffic downtown would create a need for a metro that could bring people to and from games and concerts. Heck, who wouldn't take it over trying to park downtown?

As for the argument that the money the city will spend on the arena/performing-arts center plan would be better served fighting crime and repairing infrastructure, I think that could be said about any huge governmental expense. In a city this size, there's never enough law enforcement or road repair. But perhaps with the potential for revenue and the creation of a need for decent mass transit, the problem will be a part of the solution.

Current mood: Spent
Current music: Chains / The Wolfgang Press

OMG!

One of the best things about working with a group of cynical, thirtysomething journalists is that many of them are chock-full of pop culture. Today's blast from the past came when I failed to wear my Fraggle Rock silkscreen baby-T to work, which is my standard Saturday-afternoon uniform. After a discussion of Doozers ensued, a co-worker piped in, "Do you remember this show called 'Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas'?" I had totally forgotten about that Jim Henson show!

Current mood: Wired
Current music: Time to Dream / Fortran 5

Dead like meow

Don't fear the Reaper (launches video)

I'm back this month

Has it been that long since I last made a post? Sheesh. I just noticed that the last post was from late last year. Goodness. Well, I'm part procrastinating, part hoping to get this blog going again. I just really don't have that exciting a life on which to comment!

What I've been doing recently:

• Went to San Francisco for a three-day getaway as a surprise for my boyfriend's 40th birthday. Here's a look. It wasn't totally a surprise to him -- he knew the two of us were going, but he didn't know I'd invited a couple of our closest friends and his brother. We had a blast. Steve said it was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for him. {{sniff}} ;)


• I broke down and created a MySpace page, after several years of resisting and wondering why I would ever need one considering I have a blog collecting cobwebs. But my sister is upkeeping a blog on MySpace, and because she's set it to private, I had to create an account. Long story short -- if you have a MySpace page, send me your link or invite so I can add to my short list of friends. :D


• I'm still gaming on WoW, but after the last software update, my poor 4-year-old bubble iMac has finally cried uncle and can no longer run it. So now that I've actually paid off the debt of my rowing single, it's time to go back into debt again. I'm probably going to buy a MacBook next week. Exciting!


• I don't know if I've mentioned it here before, but I've gone lacto-ovo vegetarian, as of February. That means I eat dairy and eggs but no meat. It's fairly restrictive, but it hasn't been nearly as hard as I thought it would be. And the best thing is that it generally restricts my portion sizes, so I rarely finish dinner feeling like I need to be wheeled out. My only continual concern is protein intake, but I try to eat eggs and drink a protein shake every day. If I weren't concerned about losing muscle mass, I'd probably cut out dairy and eggs as well, but for now, I'm happy with my choice. Reasoning: I just couldn't answer the question: Why (prior to February) eat some types of meat (chicken, fish) and not others (beef, pork)? I feel healthier, and I have some peace of mind.


• Last month, I wrote a story for the paper. I'm not a writer/reporter -- I'm more of a desk type -- so I'm not used to or particularly enjoy doing that sort of thing. But the story was about rowing, so They asked whether I'd be willing to take it on, since I'm the office expert on that niche sport. Contrary to what the public seems to think about journalists, we all don't aspire to become reporters. I tend to keep to myself and don't enjoy cold-calling people, introducing myself to strangers or picking the brains of people with whom I'm not friends. Having said that, though, this assignment was about as easy as a story could be for me: I've known the coach for several years, and I'd been to and had rowed at their crew's facility many times. So I didn't feel as much like I was walking up to complete strangers, and it was a subject about which I could knowledgably write.

That's all for now. If you're still interested, keep checking back here. Don't give up on me just yet.

Fascist state

The death of habeas corpus